The Julião Organization

Simple things for simple people ever since we can remember.

Bridges, burnt
(July 12, the year 2000)

 The time has come for burning bridges.
 Today, one, tomorrow, perhaps another.

 I fear solitude, yet i crave for loneliness. And I really can't understand where to go or what to do next. But maybe this is how most people are, we just don't know it because no one hardly speaks about all this.

 Where do I go from here?

 Tears? Oh, i've shed tears. Many more than i thought i had in me. I've shed tears from bridges burning, and from bridges built, and from bridges about to be built. And none of those tears meant happiness, only sadness and fear and sometimes despair.
 It's been a bad day, in a bad week, in a good month, in a bad year after a lousy year.
 I know i shoud worry less and live more.
 But even now, as i roll this thing that will make me sleep, using the jewel case for Tom Waits' Rain Dogs but listening to something completely different (Balanescu playing Kraftwerk), i know that sleeping will not make it go away.
 Why have you come into my life? And yes, i mean you. I could have been so happy with this other girl...
In any case, i guess i shouldn't be writing this here. But only the right people will understand.
 If you read this, if you understand the words, the word games, the underlying fabric of my thoughts, then it's you. You know who you are. We two are one, always have been, even if we didn't know it.
 If you don't know who Balanescu is, i'm sorry. Things could have worked out differently between us. The problem is you don't know who Balanescu is, or Kraftwerk, for that matter. But that's not really the problem. The problem is that you don't understand me well enough to realise the importance of knowing these things, and i don't love you enough to be able to overlook that.

 You. Yes, you. If you can read this, if you can understand all this, if you know what i mean by all this, then you know me. So step ahead and call me. Talk to me. Make love to me. Say stupid things to me and then i'll laugh. Take me out walking on a sunset beach. Be something to me, be one with me. Marry me. Now.